Blog For Free!
Archives
Home
2008 May
2008 April
2008 March
2008 February
2008 January
2007 December
2007 November
2007 October
2007 September
2007 August
2007 July
2007 June
2007 May
2007 April
2007 March
2007 February
2007 January
2006 December
2006 November
2006 October
2006 September
2006 August
2006 July
2006 June
2006 May
2006 April
2006 March
2006 February
2006 January
2005 December
2005 November
2005 October
2005 September
2005 August
2005 July
2005 June
2005 May
2005 April
2005 March
2005 February
2005 January
2004 December
2004 November
tBlog
My Profile
Send tMail
My tFriends
My Images
Sponsored
Blog
| interview with Jesus, day five |
| 01.30.05 (5:17 pm) [edit] |
Good afternoon Boys and Girls,Surrogate here with Jesus on a Sunday afternoon. Part five of our interview on tap. A note before we start. We've had a few comments that I've had to kill. We don't get that many that force my hand, as I won't remove things just because people disagree with me or are marginally rude. However, hate speak or anything I regard as close to it gets zapped pronto. So, here's the thing, if you're hell bent on being dumb, I'd suggest you e-mail us at justplainoldjesus@mail.com instead of commenting on here, at least there I'll read it before deleting it, any hate speak here will get erased the second I recognize it for what it is. Jesus: "surrogate, do you have any idea how close you folks are to having the world Father intended?" surrogate: "No. I don't see it. I see a world in conflict. I see huge groups of people wanting to kill other huge groups of people. I see people justifying horrid behavior in the name of nationalism. I see the U.S. - a country long associated with what's best in the world - being hated, in many cases legitimately by countries that have long been its allies!" Jesus: "So?" surrogate: "So? Jesus, you just said that you think we're close to being a good world - a loving world - a peaceful world. For goodness sake, half YOUR followers are out the promoting the END of the world, saying you're coming back to lay claim to the world and slay all your enemies!" Jesus: (laughing out loud now, rocking back and forth slapping his knees) "Oh surrogate. I didn't say there weren't plenty of fools out there still. And I know there certainly are a lot of them, and I know they have plenty of political clout here and perhaps soon even in Western Europe. But, surrogate I'm telling you, it's better than it's ever been and it'll get better. Hatred is more easily exposed. Good works are more easily reported. Heck, just because of the internet alone, look how easy it is to show fools to be what they are. surrogate: "Explain." Jesus: "Did you see that footage from Fox news on inauguration day where the lady being interviewed rightfully pointed out how foolish it was for this country to waste 40 millions dollars on TEN parties for this president of yours while your own troops are fighting a bogus war with less than the best equipment available to them? It was OBVIOUS how biased that silly Fox news reporter was... and now millions of people will watch the footage on the web. No way to hide it! I'm telling you that this medium will end up being one of them most powerful forces for good you folks have ever concocted." surrogate: "I know a lot of people who'd disagree with you on that one Jesus. A lot of people think the internet is just a big porn palace" Jesus: (still chuckling) Porn Palace! hah! Oh surrogate. Open your eyes. Look at the big picture. Oh man, I can't believe I just used that term! (Now he's laughing hard) The big picture... Hah! surrogate: "Get a grip!" Jesus: (wiping tears away...) Sorry, it's just sooo funny to me. You people have this entire world given to you by Father, handed to you - and all you can see is how BAD it is. It's hilarious! It makes Father sad, but sometimes it just strikes me as funny. Probably a defense mechanism, or I'd get sad too, and that's just not my style. surrogate: "Your style. I wasn't aware you had a "style"." Jesus: "Don't you get snotty young man. You know exactly what I mean. My job is to point out to the world how good you can have it if you just accept the gifts given you. You've been given a planet that is sufficient to supply each and every one of you the food you need, the water you need, the shelter you need, the ability to clothe and warm yourselves, or cool yourselves when it's hot. There have been huge strides in your ability to provide these comforts and necessities to even the most remote of your fellow human beings. No need for hunger, no need for war, no need for strife or political struggles any longer... if only you would all just decide that it's what's best for everyone. So simple. So elegant. So... (he shakes his head) so perfect. Just accept it. It's there for all of you. surrogate: More tomorrow. Be good to everyone! |
| Interview with Jesus, day four |
| 01.27.05 (5:41 pm) [edit] |
|
Good Evening Boys and Girls! surrogate here with Jesus on day four of our exclusive interview. surrogate: “It really does sound like you just don’t care about these things that are extremely important to so many Christians around the world.” Jesus: “These things.... these representations.... these things that are meant to symbolize other things.” surrogate: “These bed rocks of faith. These absolute tenants of Christianity ” Jesus: “No. surrogate listen to me. (He’s shaking his head and leaning back against the back of the chair) Let’s look at the sacraments as an example since it seems to be a real source of conflict within the various denominations and even within the same denominations throughout the world. Understand this. I used bread and wine that night. local bread, local wine... wasn’t that good. pretty new.... know why?” surrogate: “I always assumed it was because that’s what was served.” Jesus: “Exactly. That’s what was served. Had olives been served, or figs or any other food, I have a feeling that whole denominations would have broken off from others over what kind of Olive should be used in the sacraments. Packed in Oil? Fresh only? Seeded? Do you see the absurdity of that?” surrogate: “Well sure. But people want to get it right. They want to emulate you, do what you said... remember you by taking communion the way you suggested” Jesus: “And that’s fine, but I really didn’t want it to be a separate thing in people’s lives. I wanted them to remember me and Father WHEN they eat and drink. When they take sustenance. I meant for people to be thankful no matter where and when they ate. And I certainly didn’t mean for it to be this... this... ceremony that is sometimes used to separate people into “accepted” or “unaccepted” groups. That REALLY annoys me. ” surrogate: “So you want people to..?” Jesus: “I want people to understand the difference between symbolism and acts of faith. Same thing with Baptism. I couldn’t care less how someone is Baptized, and neither does father... or even IF people are baptized. It’s a fine thing if it’s meant as a simple expression of faith that a person decides to take part in to show others how he or she feels about their own faith, but if had better NEVER be used at a sign of faith that one person imposes on another. That crap is unacceptable.” surrogate: “You seem upset.” Jesus: “This sort of thing does upset me. I’m worried about about people loving each other first and foremost. And any time these symbols get elevated in importance at all, they tend to get in the way of people loving Father, or each other and i won’t have it.” surrogate: “Okay. Want to tackle a question for a reader?” Jesus: “Sure, but there’s more I want to talk about.” surrogate: “I know, but this’ll be a nice break” Jesus: “Shoot.” surrogate: “This reader is very concerned about the miscarriage of justice within the criminal justice system in the U.S.” Jesus: “Okay.” surrogate: “He wonder’s how you’d feel about a policy that mandates that any time it’s found that a person has been wrongly prosecuted for a crime, that someone from the prosecution should have to serve whatever sentence wold have otherwise been imposed on the accused party.” Jesus: “Hmm. Interesting. And the intent would be a method to keep the government from indiscriminately prosecuting people, or to keep the prosecutor's office from being used as a political weapon.” surrogate: “Exactly.” Jesus: “I’m not sure it’s something I should comment on, but what the heck. Seems like a decent idea if it’s properly executed though I’d rather see people working toward a time when it’s unnecessary.” surrogate: “Well, come on Jesus, we’re a long way form a perfect world.” Jesus: “Not that far really, if you’d all put a few basic rules in place. A couple of Generations. Maybe three or four. Sometimes I think people forget just how far the world has come in the last two thousand years. Heck even in the last three hundred years. Think of it. Just three hundred years ago in this country slavery was an accepted practice. Children worked 12 to 14 hours a day seven days a week. We had the holocaust sixty years ago and even recently the genocide in the Sudan, and a few other horrific incidents. But the difference is, people are getting tired of it. And that’s the most important thing that’s changed. More and more people are just plain sick of others being treated badly especially by governments and government institutions. surrogate: “What are you saying? Look at what’s going on right now in Iraq?” Jesus: “Oh, I know, but just you watch. People are, on the whole, getting smarter, and eventually the smartest ones will drag the rest into the light... it’s always that way, but it’s part of the process. Eventually, you watch, even people who have supported this war from the outset will change their tune and be forever enlightened about the foolishness of this sort of thing. And, frankly, love is what helps people change. It’s still the most powerful force on the planet. That’s the way dad set it up. And that’s the way it will always be. surrogate: “Thanks Jesus. We’ll pick it up tomorrow. |
| Iraqi elections... sparkly baubles |
| 01.26.05 (8:24 pm) [edit] |
|
Okay, so tomorrow we'll get back to the interview. Hope everyone out there is healthy and appreciating their good fortune to feel decent. I'm glad to say that in one sense, I've used this illness to my advantage, and finally quit smoking. Luckily, I was feeling so lousy for so long that getting by the physical cravings was pretty much a no brainer. But, nevertheless, I'm thankful that I seemed to have put the awful habit in my past....again. I'd quit for a number of years, but I started up again a few years ago for some pretty dumb reasons. The funny thing to me about vices is that when we're addicted, it seems like almost an imposibility to get rid of them. I've never been a drinker, but I do have a compulsive side to my personality, so I'd bet that if I did drink, or have a drug - or any other substanse abuse problem, it would be a doosey for me to deal with. Thanks God for not making me deal with any of those. So, we're four days away from elections in Iraq. So far, everything I hear about these elections points to them being nothing more than a big chunk of feta cheese for the U.S. to point to and say "See? We did it! We said we were going to make sure elections took place in Janaury and, by God, we did it!" It sure doesn't sound as though there will be anything democratic about what takes place since so few people will actually take part - and whoever doesn't take part will have an awfully legitamate claim that they were to scared to take part. Having said that. I'd love to be wrong! I listened to Bush's press conference this morning and heard his bravado and what sounded like sincere hopefullness. I would love to say, golly I was wrong, this Bush guy really did know what he was doing. How I'd love that. Doubt it'll happen though - if for no other reason than, in life, it's real unusual for good things to happen regarding any situation has been started based on arrogance or false justifications. Combine those things with a prideful inability to admit one's errors, and it's almost always a recipie for disaster. Usually, until people decide to be honest with themselves and look hard at situation's for which they are responsible - that they've unwittingly allowed to get out of hand, nothing good will come of it. But, like i said. I might be wrong. Be good to everyone. |
| Well Said! |
| 01.25.05 (10:59 am) [edit] |
|
Folks, to my thinking, this is about as fine an example of someone laying out in a clear and concise manner, what it is to be a faithful Christian in the U.S. today - At least the kind of faithful Christians I think Jesus was hoping for. .................................. Oklahoman Minister Speaks Out Dr. Robin Meyers Oklahoma University Peace Rally November 14,2004 As some of you know, I am minister of Mayflower Congregational Church in Oklahoma City, an Open and Affirming, Peace and Justice church in northwest Oklahoma City, and professor of Rhetoric at Oklahoma City University. But you would most likely have encountered me on the pages of the Oklahoma Gazette, where I have been a columnist for six years, and hold the record for the most number of angry letters to the editor. Tonight, I join ranks of those who are angry, because I have watched as the faith I love has been taken over by fundamentalists who claim to speak for Jesus, but whose actions are anything but Christian. We've heard a lot lately about so-called "moral values" as having swung the election to President Bush. Well, I'm a great believer in moral values, but we need to have a discussion, all over this country, about exactly what constitutes a moral value. I mean what are we talking about? Because, we don't get to make them up as we go along, especially not if we are people of faith. We have an inherited tradition of what is right and wrong, and moral is as moral does. Let me give you just a few of the reasons why I take issue with those in power who claim moral values are on their side: When you start a war on false pretenses, and then act as if your deceptions are justified because you are doing God's will, and that your critics are either unpatriotic or lacking in faith, there are some of us who have given our lives to teaching and preaching the faith who believe that this is not only not moral, but immoral. When you live in a country that has established international rules for waging a just war, built the United Nations on your own soil to enforce them, and then arrogantly break the very rules you set down for the rest of the world, you are doing something immoral. When you claim that Jesus is the Lord of your life, and yet fail to acknowledge that your policies ignore his essential teaching, or turn them on their head (you know, Sermon on the Mount stuff like that we must never return violence for violence and that those who live by the sword will die by the sword), you are doing something immoral. When you act as if the lives of Iraqi civilians are not as important as the lives of American soldiers, and refuse to even count them, you are doing something immoral. When you find a way to avoid combat in Vietnam, and then question the patriotism of someone who volunteered to fight, and came home a hero, you are doing something immoral. When you ignore the fundamental teachings of the gospel, which says that the way the strong treat the weak is the ultimate ethical test, by giving tax breaks to the wealthiest among us so the strong will get stronger and the weak will get weaker, you are doing something immoral. When you wink at the torture of prisoners, and deprive so-called "enemy combatants" of the rules of the Geneva Convention, which your own country helped to establish and insists that other countries follow, you are doing something immoral. When you claim that the world can be divided up into the good guys and the evil doers, slice up your own nation into those who are with you, (or with the terrorists?), and then launch a war which enriches your own friends and seizes control of the oil to which we are addicted, instead of helping us to kick the habit, you are doing something immoral. When you fail to veto a single spending bill, but ask us to pay for a war with no exit strategy and no end in sight, creating an enormous deficit that hangs like a great millstone around the necks of our children, you are doing something immoral. When you cause most of the rest of the world to hate a country that was once the most loved country in the world, and act like it doesn't matter what others think of us, only what God thinks of you, you have done something immoral. When you use hatred of homosexuals as a wedge issue to turn out record numbers of evangelical voters, and use the Constitution as a tool of discrimination, you are doing something immoral. When you favor the death penalty, and yet claim to be a follower of Jesus, who said an eye for an eye was the old way, not the way of the kingdom, you are doing something immoral. When you dismantle countless environmental laws designed to protect the earth which is God's gift to us all, so that the corporations that bought you and paid for your favors will make higher profits while our children breathe dirty air and live in a toxic world, you have done something immoral. The earth belongs to the Lord, not Halliburton. When you claim that our God is bigger than their God, and that our killing is righteous, while theirs is evil, we have begun to resemble the enemy we claim to be fighting, and that is immoral. We have met the enemy, and the enemy is us. When you tell people that you intend to run and govern as a "compassionate conservative", using the word which is the essence of all religious faith-compassion, and then show no compassion for anyone who disagrees with you, and no patience with those who cry to you for help, you are doing something immoral. When you talk about Jesus constantly, who was a healer of the sick, but do nothing to make sure that anyone who is sick can go to see a doctor, even if she doesn't have a penny in her pocket, you are doing something immoral. When you put judges on the bench who are racist, and will set women back a hundred years, and when you surround yourself with preachers who say gays ought to be killed, you are doing something immoral. I'm tired of people thinking that because I'm a Christian, I must be a supporter of President Bush, or that because I favor civil rights and gay rights I must not be a person of faith. I'm tired of people saying that I can't support the troops but oppose the war. I heard THAT when I was your age, when the Vietnam War was raging. We knew that that war was wrong, and you know that this war is wrong, the only question is how many people are going to die before these make-believe Christians are removed from power? This country is bankrupt. The war is morally bankrupt. The claim of this administration to be Christian is bankrupt. And the only people who can turn things around are people like you, young people who are just beginning to wake up to what is happening to them. It's your country to take back. It's your faith to take back. It's your future to take back. Don't be afraid to speak out. Don?t back down when your friends begin to tell you that the cause is righteous and that the flag should be wrapped around the cross, while the rest of us keep our mouths shut. Real Christians take chances for peace. So do real Jews, and real Muslims, and real Hindus, and real Buddhists, so do all the faith traditions of the world at their heart believe one thing: life is precious. Every human being is precious. Arrogance is the opposite of faith. Greed is the opposite of charity. And believing that one has never made a mistake is the mark of a deluded man, not a man of faith. And "war is the greatest failure of the human race" and thus the greatest failure of faith. There's an old rock and roll song, whose lyrics say it all: War, what is it good for? Absolutely nothing. And what is the dream of the prophets? That we should study war no more, that we should beat our swords into plowshares and our spears into pruning hooks. Who would Jesus bomb, indeed? How many wars does it take to know that too many people have died? What if they gave a war and nobody came? Maybe one day we will find out. Time to march again my friends. Time to commit acts of civil disobedience. Time to sing, and to pray, and refuse to participate in the madness. My generation finally stopped a tragic war. You can, too! |
| Feeling human! |
| 01.22.05 (7:25 pm) [edit] |
|
Good Evening Boys and Girls! Surrogate reporting here, and... dare I say it, a surrogate, I think - I pray, slowly returning to full and complete health. Just in case, mind you, I'm going to hold back from jumping into the interview with Jesus for a couple of days, just cuz I feel so badly about how I've already chopped the thing thing up due to this silly illness. So, for a day or two, some observations from my warmly tucked perspective on all things bothersome about what it's sounding might be our next Battle cry and Echo... Try this: Holler! I R A Q Q Q Q... there... now hear the echo? I R A N N N N! That is amazing! These Bush Planners are always a step ahead! .................. Then I'd like to paraphrase the Senator Barbara Boxer - Condeleeza Rice exchange for any of you who missed the verbatim repartee': Boxer: "Quote, quote, quote." Boxer: "Quote. Quote, quote." Boxer: "Quote. Quote, quote, quote." Am I quoting you correctly. Ms. Rice? Rice: "I resent you using my own words to impugn my integrity" Boxer: *I'm QUOTING YOU YOU STUPID TOOL!* (unspoken) .................... In the the spirit to which this blog is dedicated, which is simply to love everyone, even our enemies, I want it known that I do love our newly refinished and resurfaced president (600 grit, water sponge) and his staff. And I wish them not only better judgment and clearer thoughts on all of our behalf for the next four years, but also - and far more importantly, I wish for them a newly found, or at least a rediscovered sense of self criticism and critical analyses - perhaps healthily attached to just enough of a sense of shame and doubt to keep them from carrying out any extraordinarily silly actions before they properly think things through. Also, may the term "a complete moral certainty of one's convictions" be given an automatic four year hiatus as a reason given for any political and/or military decisions made on behalf of this country. This Moratorium may be lifted also when someone is in office who understands the absurdity of the term itself. Be good to Everyone! |
| Interview with Jesus, Day three |
| 01.18.05 (10:53 am) [edit] |
|
I’m sorry for being behind in the transposing. Darn head has felt like a blog about to burst. Appreciate the patience. This post also seems to lack humor. Maybe neither of us were feeling good. .......................................... Jesus: “He said the only heaven and hell we should spend too much time worrying about are the ones we create for each other and ourselves right here on earth. surrogate: “And you’re okay with that?” Jesus: “Okay with it? It’s brilliant” surrogate: “I’m confused” Jesus: “Don’t be. Look...... There are some things worth worrying about, I suppose, but this just isn’t one of them.” surrogate: “Jesus, that’s just not gonna fly with Christians. All our lives, we’ve heard that what this whole existence is about, one way or another is getting into Heaven.” Jesus: “Yeah. I know. (he shakes his head and shrugs) And now I’m telling you in no uncertain terms that there is lots more to life than setting up your own afterlife.” surrogate: “Okay. Like what?” Jesus: “Well, How about making sure that every single person you come into contact with throughout your life is brought closer to Father because of their experience in watching you live. How about making sure that the sort of world you leave is a better one than the one you receive. How about coming to accept that the responsibility that loving our enemies, means... loving our enemies” surrogate: “Whoa. slow down.” Jesus: “Okay.” surrogate: “What do you mean that we’re supposed to bring everyone we come in contact with closer to God. Are we supposed to preach?” Jesus: “I wouldn’t, unless you’re asked to. Seems a quick way to wear out your welcome. No. What I mean is treat every meeting, introduction, business transaction, even a wrong number on the phone as an opportunity to do the right thing. And, one never knows how important the smallest of decisions can be.” surrogate: “Give me an example” Jesus: “K.... This is from a movie, but not only was it a true story, this part of it they got almost exactly right. Remember the movie 13 Days - about the Cuban missile crisis. It came out three or four years ago.” surrogate: “Sure. Kevin Costner” Jesus: “Right. Well, if you remember right at the absolute height of the frenzy, all of a sudden TWO messages are received by JFK and crew. One is very threatening, and the other is somewhat conciliatory. They don’t know how to respond, but (and I know this for a fact) a wrong response could lead - probably will lead - to nuclear war.” surrogate: “I remember” Jesus: “Do you?” surrogate: “Yeah, they completely ignored the threatening response” Jesus: “Exactly. Treated it as though they never saw it, and continued to work on the other response as though it was the only one in play.” surrogate: “Okay? That’s loving our enemy?” Jesus: “Well, in this it was, because not only did that crisis get put to rest, but FAR more importantly, and little known in the west, it was the first time that it became apparent to many of the most powerful people in Moscow that the O.S. didn’t have an underlying desire to demolish the USSR. People give Reagan credit for the wall coming down and the breakup, and that’s fine, but step one was that day, when the Russians themselves realized they didn’t really have to constantly protect themselves from an invasion form the US. Sort of sapped a little of their purpose.” surrogate: “Unintended consequences.” Jesus: “There always are. Remember, Loving responses are never indignant and always leave room for more communication.” surrogate: Okay. Want some water? Jesus: “Sure. I’ll get it. you think about where you want to go next.... ....................................... surrogate: “What about.... the sacraments?” Jesus: “Holy Communion” surrogate: “Yeah. Any thoughts on how often? When? Who gets to take part? Preference of breads or Beverages?” Jesus: “Um... no.” surrogate: “Anything goes?” Jesus: “I don’t like it put that way, but i’m not going to spend any time debating the fine points.” surrogate: “Baptism? Full immersion? Or a shake from the sprinkler can?” Jesus: “I’ve always thought it made the most sense to to full immersion in the summer if you’re at a lake - and as little water as possible when the weather’s the way it is here today” We’ll pick it up here tomorrow. Be Good To Everybody. |
| finally, um.... tomorrow |
| 01.17.05 (9:20 pm) [edit] |
|
Okay, the next two posts are done with the exception of editing, which I should get to by noon tomorrow. Thanks for your patience folks.
|
| GRRRRRR |
| 01.16.05 (12:49 pm) [edit] |
|
With apologies. Illness has knocked out this blog for a couple of days.
|
| Interview with Jesus, Day 2 |
| 01.14.05 (8:26 pm) [edit] |
|
Good evening Boys and Girls! surrogate here, with Jesus, continuing our little interview. If you'd like to comment or pose a question, E-mail us at justplainoldjesus@mail.com ....................................... surrogate: “So that’s it?” Jesus: “That’s it. Everything else comes later... or not at all.” surrogate: “What do you mean? Later or not at all” Jesus: “Just that. I wish people wouldn’t get so fired up about stuff that just doesn’t matter and then give little peripheral things so much importance. It’s a shame. And what’s funny, is that I’m telling people this. They won’t believe me. I’ve gone through it for a couple of millennium. Heck, some of my own apostles got so full of “the spirit” that when I tried to explain to them that they were starting to mess up the message, they, in essence, sent me away. surrogate: “What are you talking about? What little things? Give me an example.” Jesus: “ Okay, how about, for starters, Mom’s virginity at the time I was born.” surrogate: “Are you saying that the virgin birth thing isn’t true?” Jesus: “No. I’m saying it doesn’t matter. Same thing with my miracles, how the earth was created, being born again to get into heaven, even whether the Devil is an actual entity collecting souls on this planet.” surrogate: “Whoa. Whoa. Slow down Jesus. You are messin’ with the foundations of Christianity.” Jesus: “No I’m not. I’m messing with people who don’t get it - the same people who think that the parables I used and told were to “confuse the learned” instead of illustrate points.” surrogate: “What do you mean?” Jesus: “There’s a loud group of “Christians” who are starting to mess with foundations of society and we need to stop them, because in their quest to “Christianize” the world, and especially your nation, they are willing to do just about anything, and I think it’s important to show myself once in a while, as at least a semipublic figure to remind people of the priorities I used when I preached, the beliefs that were, and are, paramount to my life as Father’s son, and as, in fact, the Christ.” surrogate: “I’m confused.” Jesus: “Come on surrogate, you’re a bright boy. Listen up. First of all since I got here you’ve heard me say what phrase the most often?” surrogate: “Easy. Love God, your friends, yourself and your enemies.” Jesus: “Right. Now is that anything new?” surrogate: ‘No.” Jesus: “Right. I’ve been saying that since day one, and it, by far, is the most important thing Father wanted me to get across.” surrogate: “Okay, but for instance how does that have anything to do with... um, creationism, for instance.?” Jesus: “Fair question. Well, First of all, let’s define Dad.” surrogate: “Okay. This should be interesting.” Jesus: “(chuckles) Perhaps.... As far as I know, Father always was, is - and always will be.” surrogate: “Got it. Omnipotent.” Jesus: “If you like. There are better words, but it’s not important.” surrogate: “Okay. Sorry. Jesus: “No. It’s fine. I’m gonna say this, and you can either accept it or not - Father created this world.” surrogate: “In seven days, right?” Jesus: (chuckling again) “Not likely. But here’s the thing... it doesn’t matter!” surrogate: “What do you mean it doesn’t matter? It’s been the basis for arguments in this country forever? Jesus: “ I know. And i want it to stop. Look, to some people there has to be an explanation for everything, even if the real explanation would serve no useful purpose because not one single person would understand it.” surrogate: “Once again, Jesus, that sounds a little too simplistic... saying “it just doesn’t matter”.” Jesus: “So?” surrogate: “Okay, fine... for now. Let’s talk about the big one. Heaven and Hell. You were pretty darn specific about this and some of my readers... um, “our readers” have taken me to task for not pressing you more about this one.” Jesus: “Press away! I’m not going anywhere.” surrogate: ‘Okay. Is there a Heaven?” Jesus: “Not in the way you think about it. and yet to say their isn’t a Heaven wouldn’t be accurate either. It’s simply something unexplainable and something meant to give hope to people in pain.” surrogate: “What about hell?” Jesus: “Almost the same thing, though from a practical standpoint, I always liked the way your Granddad addressed the question.” surrogate: “You knew my Granddad? Wow.” Jesus: “Sure. Methodist preacher for what? Fifty years?... Wonderful man.” surrogate: “Wow.” Jesus: “He said the only Heaven and Hell we should spend too much time worrying about are the ones we create for each other and ourselves, right on earth.” surrogate: “ He did? And you’re okay with that?” Jesus: “Okay with it? It’s brilliant!” surrogate: “I’m confused.” Jesus: “Don't be. Look...... And we’ll pick it up here tomorrow. Be good to everybody! |
| Interview with Jesus, Day one |
| 01.13.05 (10:22 am) [edit] |
|
Good afternoon Boys and Girls! Surrogate here with Jesus today. We’re going to do things a little differently for the next week or so. I’m going to be asking Jesus some questions and he’ll answer them. Sometimes we’ll discuss the topic a little and sometimes we’ll just move on at Jesus’s discretion. Some of the questions are mine. Some are actually ones Jesus has provided for me to ask, really just to make sure he addresses the topics most important to him, I think, and some, you readers have provided. Now, just so you know, we taped this and what you’re reading is more like an edited transcript without all our starts and stops... well, mine mostly. I don’’t think Jesus ever even flubs a word. surrogate: “So Jesus. Thanks for coming and staying with me for a while.” Jesus: “Your Welcome. Thank you for inviting me. It’s been fun so far.” surrogate: “What made you decide to accept my invitation? Surely you get thousands of them.” Jesus: “Millions, surrogate. Hundreds of millions, really.” surrogate: “I’m sure that’s true. Why mine?” Jesus: (chuckles) Well, it sure wasn’t to help you with your book deal. surrogate: “Wha...? Jesus: “Look surrogate. I know darn well you invited me here to help you promote this blog and to help you eventually interest a publisher in that little novel you’ve been tinkering with for three years.” surrogate: “But, Je...” Jesus: “It’s okay surrogate. (Jesus is patting surrogate’s back, who looks like he’s been caught with his hands in the cookie jar) I don’t mind.... but it’s not why I’m here with you. surrogate: “Um..well. Then why? Jesus: “A few reasons. First and most importantly, I want people to know me in a different way. And I thought you might be able to help me with that. surrogate: ‘...okay? Know you differently? Differently from what?” Jesus: “Well, for instance. You know how Mel’s Gibson’s movie made a big splash a few months ago? surrogate: ‘Yes. I was going to ask you about that. What you thought about it. Jesus: “I thought it was amazing! Looked real to me and I can tell you it evoked some awful memories. But, they were memories. Even for me. All that stuff took place, what? Nineteen hundred and seventy or seventy-one years ago! Now I thought Mel did a great job, and his faith is solid as a rock, but I’m here NOW. I’ve always been here. I’ll always be here. That’s the way Dad set it up. ...and that’s the way it is. surrogate: “I don’t understand. You were crucified, you rose, you ascended... what about the returning during the end times? Setting up your kingdom on earth? Jesus: Wait, wait, wait,... surrogate. I’m going to have to lay out a few things for you to understand this. First of all. I didn’t write the Bible. Had nothing to do with it. Period. surrogate: “huh? Explain that please.” Jesus: “I didn’t write it! What’s so hard to understand about that? Some of it was written before I was born, all the new testament stuff came later, but I had NOTHING to do with it... and some of it, is just plain silly. surrogate: “Excuse me?” Jesus: “I know that the Bible is thought of as the unerring word of Dad, but it’s not. It’s just not. You ever play telephone? surrogate: “Sure.” Jesus: “There’s your Bible. The Bible is the unerring word of Dad after, in some cases, a 3000 year game of telephone. And, what’s really funny, is that the way the thing starts and ends is more like a game of telephone where every other person is on ... on... I don’t know, something hallucinogenic. Four horsemen of the apocalypse... Geez. Please. (Jesus is shaking his head.) Let me tell you something. First off. Most of the people who ever heard me speak, heard me once. And when I spoke, I had to speak to the people who were there to listen... and so I told them things I knew they needed to hear to help them. But somehow, over the years, it’s gotten so that even in cases where the transcripts are pretty good, somehow, it’s as though every word I said to anyone ...was meant for everyone! And, that’s just not how I meant things. Not at all. surrogate: “Well, what did you mean? Or, rather... um, I guess i’m asking if you feel like you’ve been misunderstood overall.” Jesus: “By some people. Definitely by people who have made me... made me, an industry! I wish that more people would have realized that every time I opened my mouth it was to try to get people to understand that if they loved God, themselves, their friends and their enemies, their lives would be incredibly rich and full. ...It’s so simple! surrogate: “That’s it?” Jesus: “That’s it. Everything else comes later... or not at all. We’ll continue tomorrow. Be good to everybody! If you have a question you'd like throw in the mix, E-mail us at justplainoldjesus@mail.com |
| Q and A? |
| 01.12.05 (10:24 am) [edit] |
|
Good afternoon Boy and Girls! surrogate here and turning the corner on health and wellness. Which corner? Time will tell, but I am up and around and looking at my bed with utter disgust and way too much familiarity. Some people are good at being sick. I'm not one of them. These damn colds only tend to get me about once a year, and it seems to me, it's almost always in January. Annoying. So, let's see. The latest political news makes one's head shake. The weather seemingly world wide has been a bit more than turbulent what with the tsunami in the East and mudslides in California. The election in Iraq looks as though it may not come off without major hitches. ("hitches," in this case being described as extensive loss of lives amongst both voters and poll workers.) Newt Gingrich is talking about making a run for the White House in 2008. Washington D.C. is being asked (told) to divert 11 million bucks from their Homeland Security Budget for our upcoming inaugural celebration to honor the U.S. President. (see? no sarcasm!...but there is still something in the back of my throat to cough out... just a sec.) And, Brad and Jennifer have Tom and Nicholed. So. Over the next week or week and a half, I'll be asking Jesus some questions about the state of our society and what his takes are on many current events and issues. To be fair, I'll tell you that he's been working on this for a couple of weeks and has given me many of the questions he'd like me to ask him, but today, we're both asking anyone out there who has a serious question to go ahead and leave it in the comments section here, or e-mail it to us and if it's something he feels he can or should address, he will. Some of my ideas for questions, he wasn't interested in - he can be a little snobby sometimes. surrogate: "Who's next? Michael Douglas and Catherine Zeta-Jones?" Jesus: "Please." See what I mean? Be Good to Everybody! E-mail us at justplainoldjesus@mail.com |
| California is leaving.... |
| 01.11.05 (10:26 pm) [edit] |
|
Folks, I didn't write this and I don't know who did, so I can't give credit, but I thought it was worth reading...... Dear President Bush: Congratulations on your victory over all us non-evangelicals. Actually, we're a bit ticked off here in California, so we're leaving. California will now be its own country. And we're taking all the Blue States with us. In case you are not aware, that includes Hawaii, Oregon, Washington, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois, and all of the North East. We spoke to God, and she agrees that this split will be beneficial to almost everybody, and especially to us in the new country of California. In fact, God is so excited about it, she's going to shift the whole country at 4:30 pm EST next Friday. Therefore, please let everyone know they need to be back in their states by then. So you get Texas and all the former slave states. We get stem cell research and the best beaches. We get Elliot Spitzer. You get Ken Lay. (Okay, we have to keep the Governor; we can live with that.) We get the Statue of Liberty. You get OpryLand. We get Intel and Microsoft. You get WorldCom. We get Harvard. You get Ole Miss. We get 85% of America's venture capital and entrepreneurs. You get all the technological innovation in Alabama. We get about two-thirds of the tax revenue, and you get to make the red states pay their fair share. Since our divorce rate is 22% lower than the Christian coalition's, we get a bunch of happy families. You get a bunch of single moms to support, and we know how much you like that. Did I mention we produce about 70% of the nation's veggies? But heck the only greens the Bible-thumpers eat are the pickles on their Big Macs. Oh yeah, another thing, don't plan on serving California wine at your state dinners. From now on it's imported French wine for you. Ouch, bet that hurts. Just so we're clear, the country of California will be pro-choice and anti-war. Speaking of war, we're going to want all Blue States citizens back from Iraq. If you need people to fight, just ask your evangelicals. They have tons of kids they're willing to send to their deaths for absolutely no purpose. And they don't care if you don't show pictures of their kids' caskets coming home. Anyway, we wish you all the best in the next four years and we hope, really hope, you find those missing weapons of mass destruction. Seriously. Soon. Sincerely, California |
| Snowball Wars |
| 01.11.05 (3:17 pm) [edit] |
|
Good afternoon, Boys and Girls! surrogate here, barely. Jesus is annoyed with me. I've been running him like crazy keeping me filled with all the elixirs, potions and foods one uses to try to battle a cold. He's been mightily patient but I don't think this is what he had in mind when he accepted my invitation to stay with me for a while. So, he went to the mall. I hate the way he drives anyway, so I'm just as happy not to be going. Hope he remembers to stop for some more green tea. The cats here seem to know I'm sick and they've all stopped coming up for their belly rubs every hour on the hour, and now seem to walk in large circles around me, casting disapproving glances to make sure I notice the snub. - Snooty felines. Last night, we were talking - well, Jesus was talking. I was listening. He was going on a bit about how, even taking into consideration all the evils in our world today, how optimistic he is about our long term outlook. He's convinced, for instance, that this war America has engaged itself in in Iraq may be a turning point in history. He thinks that when the dust settles after this one, that, finally, and just perhaps, we'll all start to see the futility of war, and that since ANYTHING seems to be able to justify a country going to war, that perhaps humanity will finally realize that the reverse is also true. It was a stretch for me to understand it but I think I got what he meant. I asked him about situations where tyrants rule countries and don’t we, as caring people have a responsibility to help the citizens of those countries? He said, “Of course you do. But there are almost always ways of doing that without going to war. It just takes creative thinking.” Then he said that there hadn’t been a war fought in the last millennium that couldn’t have been avoided with the right strategy. I objected. “What about the Second World War? Hitler?” He chuckled and said that by the time Hitler had started invading other countries, it may well have been too late, but had the people of his own country been thinking correctly, THEY would have put a stop to it early on. Which, frankly, was nothing new to me. I’d heard that before, but hearing him say it and understanding that he meant WE have the same responsibility within our own countries, made me sit up and realize the larger meaning. When we see our own countries moving toward an unjustified war, we must do anything possible to stop it from happening, especially since war can snowball so easily till “why it started” is a moot point. Hmmm. Pretty simple. Be good to everybody! |
| Chicken Hawks Abound |
| 01.10.05 (3:38 pm) [edit] |
|
Good afternoon Boy and Girls! Jesus Reporting today. Wasn't planning on it, though. I've been working on a few other projects the last week or so, but with surrogate lying half dead here beside me begging for sympathy in the form of a snack or drink or pill of one sort or another every fifteen minutes, I realized that I wasn't going to be able to work on anything I couldn't walk away from every time he exercised his famous whim anyway, so... I figured I could bring you all up to speed on a couple of things that have made me sit up and take notice the last week or two. Hang on, his honor wants some tea. Okay. Since starting this blog. I haven't made clear the family position on capitol punishment. This has come up because of President Bush's nomination of former State Staffer (from his days as Governor of Texas), Alberto Gonzales to the post of Attorney General of the whole friggen country! Here's the policy as far as Dad and I are concerned: Don't kill anyone suspected of a crime unless you are so sure they're guilty that you're willing to die alongside them. It's really very simple. Just like going into war. If you, as the leader of a country, feel the need to put your own sons and daughters at risk for the greater good of the country - especially a country that hasn't directly attacked your country? You be at the front of the battle till it's over. Seems simplistic? Seems silly? Nope. It'll just make people think a little more about they way they treat other people. How they judge them, how they use them, how they punish them. Anyone who disagrees with this policy doesn't understand why I came, what the crux of my message was, and thinks that "believing" makes them above the basic tenants I expressed over and over and over. A message to all political leaders who couch their actions in "faith:" You want to sign off on executing a retarded person for murder? You be willing to go along with them. If your "FAITH" as strong as you pretend it is, you won't have any problem with the policy. You want to attack another country "for their own good?" You be willing you be the first target for the enemy to shoot at, and continue to put yourself at extreme risk for the duration of the conflict. If you aren't willing to do this, you're a coward and should be removed from office on that basis. Now surrogate is bellyaching for some chicken soup.... GRRRRR. Guess I’d better go. Be good to everyone! |
| Bad eyes... or funky fonts? |
| 01.09.05 (9:19 pm) [edit] |
|
Good Evening Boys and Girls! Just a quick post tonight from me, surrogate. I've caught a doosy of a cold so I'm feeling like crap and therefore, sorry for myself - so I'll let these drugs kick in and go to bed soon. I've been reading a lot of other blogs the past couple of days, trying to decide whether to make this one flashier, or whether to add advertising and the like. For now I think I like the fact that this is one of the plainer blogs, so I guess I'll let it be. For what it's worth, I have noticed that, perhaps because of my age or the fact that my eyesight isn't what it once was, that I have an extremely hard time reading many of the blogs that I'd like to read on a more regular basis for the simple reason that in many cases people choose texts and backgrouds that are either too close in color to each other, or fonts that don't jump enough to make them easy to read - or the one that's really hard for me... moving graphics under or over the text.... or a combination of any of the above. I guess what I'm saying is that while style and freedom are the hallmark of blogging, please keep the fact in mind that ...people have to read them! - Even old farts like me!... |
| Remembering.... |
| 01.07.05 (8:42 am) [edit] |
|
Good morning Boys and Girls! surrogate reporting today. I'm sitting at my computer looking out at a winter scene that, from what I hear, may become even more wintery over the next couple of days. The top layer of the snow has crystalized some and makes a fine crunching noise when walked upon - and yesterday while shoveling the driveway, I swear the snow had a blue cast to it. Really beautiful. I'm drinking some sort of tea that smells like cavandish pipe tobacco in it's bag. I thought it WAS pipe tobacco when I first saw it. Reminded me of a rough cut aromatic my Dad smoked as a treat to himself when I was young. Which, of course, started me thinking about my Dad. He's been gone about three and a half years. He died early one morning while warming up for racquetball. He loved the game and had played most weekday mornings for more than twenty years. He was very good too. He was very proud of the fact that, even into his sixties, he was able to stay with a lot of what he called "the young flat-bellys" and even beat some very good players once in a while. He did it with smarts. I know I hadn't come close to beating him for years, even during a few years where I played almost as often as he did. He'd stand there in the middle of the court and make you run in circles while he, in what seemed sometimes like clownish slow motion, took charge of the action. Drove us all nuts! This incredible grin filled his face when he knew he'd made an especially audacious play, sometimes even calling his shot ala Babe Ruth, and still, no chance to make the return. If there really is a Peter Pan syndrome, my father not only had it, but was, perhaps, the poster boy for what could be fun about having it. He loved to play. - Board games, touch football, back yard basketball, table tennis, golf, bocci (on the beach), Wallyball (volleyball on a racquetball court where the walls are in play), cribbage, euchre, ... on and on. He loved to play. But mostly he loved to play with us. My Dad and I had a stormy relationship for most of my life. He was shortsighted and petty about things that never made sense to me, and carelessly manipulative about things that caused a lot of pain for some people. But I never thought of his shortcomings as malicious, or as signs of a mean spirit. In fact, he was perhaps the single funniest man I've ever known, and fiercely loving toward my Mom at all times. And oh man, there were a lot of people who loved him. I sure did. He'd have been 67 this past Sunday. I miss him. Be Good to Everybody! |
| Torture? No Problem... GRRR! |
| 01.06.05 (9:05 am) [edit] |
|
Good morning Boys and Girls! Jesus reporting this morning. The U.S. Senate is today holding hearings on President Bush's nominee for Attorney General. The man up for the job was one of the people who okayed the use of torture on Iraqi prisoners. His main qualification seems to be that he wrote 52 briefings for then Governor Bush regarding death row inmates about to be executed. All were executed. The problem is that opposing this nominee opens one to being accused of racism against hispanics. Tough. This is a man who's objectives appear to be political on all fronts. Please, as people of good will, look carefully at this man's record and speak out if you are bothered. ... I just read a story about the Arch Bishop of the St. Louis Dioceses. He's threatened to, in essence, excommunicate the board of a Roman Catholic church in St. Louis for opposing the new directive allowing formerly defrocked priests to resume their work on Father's and my behalf. The board's concern is that these priests may do their sexual voo doo on young boys again - and that it is just plain wrong to allow such men to serve in official capacity ever again. I agree with the board. Enjoy your day and be good to everybody! |
| Good People, Kindness Abounds |
| 01.03.05 (2:44 pm) [edit] |
|
Good afternoon Boys and Girls! Surrogate reoporting today. Over the last couple of days, I've had the opportunity to experieince the kindness of quite a few strangers for some rather odd reasons. I'm not sure the reasons are all that important, so I won't go into them now, but I can tell you, that in spite of multiple blunders on my own part and foolish reactions to those blunders, that people of good will are still out there and in great numbers. We should be thankful for this. I know I am. If you're anything like me, you tend to forget that things of this sort - from individual acts of kindness, right up to and including acts of charity on a grand scale - are always going on. We get wrapped up in our own little adventure through life and much of the time we assume that if we can't see, as often as we'd like - or rather if we don't experience first hand - the good things that are always taking place in our world (even in our own country, state, city or block) that perhaps they aren't happening at all. And, sometimes, we even allow ourselves to use our convoluted outlook as a reason to be depressed, callous, or worse - apathetic. Not only would we be wrong to act in any of these manners, but we'd be wrong to make such assumtions...... EVER. Be thankful. Be glad of it. Be amazed. Ain't it wunnerful? Be Good to Everybody!
|
| Blast-off 2005 |
| 01.01.05 (4:01 pm) [edit] |
|
Good evening Boys and Girls! Happy New Year. Surrogate here. Check out this link if you get time. Amazing pics from the Tsunami. http://coreykoberg.com/Tsunam... I'm going to have to be brief the next couple of days. Stuff going on. I'm hoping 2005 is a better year. I didn't enjoy a whole lot of 2004 except for my friends, discovering this crazy medium and the new friends I've made since hopping on board. Thankfully, things seem to be settling down for some of the people I care about which makes me worry a hell of a lot less. Worry is the most pointless of exercises... we all know it and yet.. we all do it too, to some extent or another. Luckily, I've come to a point in my life where worry for myself is almost nonexistant, but it's simply been replaced with worry for those I care about and love. Dumb. To a couple of you whom I owe reply emails, please be patient with me for a day or two. I'd rather give sufficient thought to my replys than zip something off and tonight I can't give you the time you deserve. -Thanks Be good to everybody! |
Cost of the War in Iraq
(JavaScript Error)
|
American Deaths in Iraq:
|
Amidalla Search Engine