Good evening Boys and Girls!

Atlanta.

Jesus and I just had a wonderful dinner with PastorDave at that most American of Gourmet Restaurants. As it happens, there's a "Waffle House" situated about 50 yards from the hotel room, and Dave was kind enough to drive over to meet us. We had a good time yapping for an hour or so, and if I'm not mistaken? - we solved every problem known to mankind!

Looking forward to an early breakfast too, then we'll get back on 75 south and make our way through the southern half of the state before hitting the Florida border, hopefully by noon or so.

So far, I've enjoyed the trip immensely.

I do live in a beautiful country.

The two tackiest things I've seen today, of course, had to do with what appeared to be three mega churches. There's the big ol' stucco covered Styrofoam bust of Jesus in Southern Ohio near Franklin (see Alm's archives for pics of it - Jesus snickered!) that's just plain grotesque in both scale and workmanship, and 2 big ol' identical crosses at either end of Tennessee that appear to be covered in aluminum siding.

Wonder if they got a warranty?

What is it about mega churches and gaudy icons? No one with any taste at all would be caught dead attending any of them.

"Hey, want to visit my Church some time?"

"Um, maybe. Which one is it?"

"It's the one with the to-go cup Jesus out front."

"Oh. Nah. I attend the one with the Crucifix that blasts off into space every Sunday morning."

Which reminds me of the Mega Church in Fort Lauderdale I've written about before that sends a skywriter up every Sunday morning to write "Jesus Loves You" directly over the building (except, of course the "Love" is replaced by a valentines heart, you know, like the notes your wrote in junior high.)

Be good to everyone!

Good morning Boys and Girls!

T minus two... Or is it one? I'm leaving sometime tomorrow, in any case.

The list is growing instead of getting smaller.

Oh, the "things to take" part isn't getting much longer, but the "things to do before leaving" portion seems to grow with each few passing minutes. Annoying.

Seems like every time I cross something off that part of the list, I add two new items.

And hell, it's just me I'm responsible for. Jesus is packing for himself; one backpack as usual I assume. It's not like when the kids were little and we had to get them ready to go and take care of all those things. I don't even have to cancel the paper, or have someone collect the mail, or arrange for a pet to be fed, or contact any team coaches to let them know that one of the kids won't be at practice for the next couple of weeks, or make arrangements for schoolwork to be done during the trip, or make sure the lawn is mowed just before leaving so it doesn't get ridiculously long while we're gone, or any of that stuff.

Still, lots to remember... just more rudimentary now:

My hope is to be in Detroit to pick up Jesus by three-thirty or so tomorrow, and then start to head south by four. Hope to be in Kentucky by midnight after possibly stopping in Cinci for a bit (and for Skyline or Gold Star!)

Love them baby coneys, (though even when I lived there back in the eighties, I could never get into the chili on spaghetti thing. Call me crazy. Jesus loves it. He gets a four-way.)

Be good to everyone!

Good morning Boys and Girls.

T-minus 3.

It's 6:20 a.m. I've been up for an hour, and I'm not as awake as I think I ought be. Slept alright, but the lids are dragging down this morning. Perhaps because I had the strangest dream I can recall in quite a while.

I know where it stemmed from.

Was reading an article in a "writer's rag" the other days in which the author was complaining about the overuse and misuse of adjectives and adverbs, a not uncommon theme in such publications.

So last night, while sleeping soundly, and in the fashion of Indiana Jones, (even had the vest, whip and hat) I searched long and hard for "quick, huge and fast," which I found around the alcove of a cave just after I'd dodged a boulder that rolled toward me, trapping me temporarily. I'd have used those very words to describe the rolling rock but until I found them, tied up against the wall of the cave, they'd been unavailable to me.

Later I met a beautiful woman and fell madly in love "instantly," but was again unable to use the right descriptive words to let her know how I felt, because they were locked up not twenty feet away in a prison cell created for the very purpose of keeping them from my use. She indicated, pointing to a wall, where she thought I'd find them and, using the whip to smash through, I released "auburn-haired, voluptuous and velvety," as well as "sincerely, miraculously, and flawless."

Getting to the heart of the conspiracy, I found that I was unable to convey just how evil the evil guy was because he'd not only imprisoned the words that might help me, but he'd drugged them too. When I finally found "delusional and psychotic," they'd become "mixed-up and confused." Freeing them was going to be tough because the ropes were coated with some sort of hardened plastic... I got out my lighter.

I was about to try melting their bindings when my brain got a signal from my bladder, interrupting my adventure. When I went back to sleep, a few minutes later, I was playing right field for the 1968 Detroit Tigers... brilliantly.

Be good to everyone.

Good morning Boys and Girls!

Cloudy day in the neighborhood. A few little white flakey things blowing in the wind, but don't see any of them landing. Must be about exactly 32 degrees outside (or zero for you centigrade-ians. Eh?)

As I get ready for this trip, I find myself making a list of the things I need to make sure to take. This "listing" process has become more and more important over the past few years as my memory shifts slowly from "useful tool" to "over burdened file cabinet" and the short term and long term memory functions merge into a single entity, lacking both a name and as yet, an efficient search system I can use to sort through the files.

If I don't write it down? Forget it. -Which, oddly enough, is just what I do!

Last week one of my customers gave me one of his customer's phone number. He wanted me to call the person to set an appointment for us to get together. I was in the middle of something at the time so I slipped the paper into my back left pocket and said I'd call a bit later. He said there was no hurry.

That was Wednesday I think. I just came across the slip of paper this morning as I was sorting through receipts and the like that I jam into that pocket during the week and go through on weekends; transferring the ever-growing lump from each pair of pants I wear during the week.

Upon stumbling on it this morning as I logged my sundry expenses, it took me a good three minutes of solid thought to even remember what the paper was and why I had this unknown person's name and phone number (in someone else's handwriting) in the first place. I was pretty sure I hadn't asked this person for her phone number, (the first name "Larry" being a pretty good clue.)

I'm 49. What will I be like in ten years? -Or twenty?

So every day I go through my little mental exercises.

My name is surrogate.

My social security number is...

My drivers license number is...

I have two children who's names are....

I live in the United States of America in Michigan at...

We drive on the right side of the road.

Check your gas gauge when you start the car and your oil when you fill up.

Does your laundry need doing?

Use six little scoops when you make coffee, (you like a little half'n'half and half a teaspoon of sugar in it.)

Run spell-check before you post.

Remember to add the close at the end.


Be good to everyone.

Just a short note.

A friend emailed this to me... Man have I been out of touch lately.

On Wednesday, March 1st, 2006, in Annapolis at a hearing on the proposed Constitutional Amendment to prohibit gay marriage, Jamie Raskin, professor of law at AU, was requested to testify.

At the end of his testimony, Republican Senator Nancy Jacobs said: "Mr. Raskin, my Bible says marriage is only between a man and a woman. What do you have to say about that?"

Raskin replied: "Senator, when you took your oath of office, you placed your hand on the Bible and swore to uphold the Constitution. You did not place your hand on the Constitution and swear to uphold the Bible."

The room erupted into applause.

Simple. Hope it's true.

Update. 

Evidently it is true. Read on if you like. Copied from Snopes.com

February 2006, Baltimore Circuit Court Judge M. Brooke Murdock ruled that a Maryland state law banning same-sex marriages was unconstitutional. In response to that decision, state lawmakers opposed to same-sex marriage introduced a resolution to impeach Judge Murdock (a move which was defeated in the Judiciary Committee) and a bill calling for the amendment of Maryland's constitution to prohibit all same-sex marriages.

Although the bill failed to garner sufficient support for passage, it was reintroduced in a version that would define marriage as a union between a man and a women only but would still allow for civil unions. The latter bill was being debated by a Senate committee on 1 March 2006, when, according to the Baltimore Sun, "Clergy, constitutional law experts and children of gay parents were among those who packed the Senate Judicial Proceedings Committee room to speak out on the issue."

Part of that debate featured some give-and-take between Nancy Jacobs, a Republican state senator, and Jamin Raskin, a professor of constitutional law from Washington's American University over the influence of the Bible on modern law. The Sun reported the following exchange taking place between the two:
"As I read Biblical principles, marriage was intended, ordained and started by God — that is my belief," [Jacobs] said. "For me, this is an issue solely based on religious principals [sic]."

Raskin shot back that the Bible was also used to uphold now-outlawed statutes banning interracial marriage, and that the constitution should instead be lawmakers' guiding principle.

"People place their hand on the Bible and swear to uphold the Constitution; they don't put their hand on the Constitution and swear to uphold the Bible," he said.

Some in the room applauded, which led committee chairman Sen. Brian E. Frosh, a Democrat from Montgomery County, to call for order. "This isn't a football game," he said.

Assuming the Sun's account is accurate, we note that the version of events quoted at the head of this page has been somewhat altered and compressed to make the exchange more direct and personal (i.e., Senator Jacobs' statement about marriage and the Bible has been simplified, and she did not issue a "What do you have to say about that?" challenge; Professor Raskin's response referred to people in general, not to Senator Jacobs specifically; and although some spectators applauded, the room did not "erupt into applause"), but the setting and gist of Professor Raskin's statement are correctly reported.

We don't know if Professor Raskin should get credit for originating this quip, however, because the concept has been used before. For example, comedian Bill Maher said the following (in reference to the Terry Schiavo case) during the 1 April 2005 broadcast of his HBO television program, Real Time with Bill Maher:

The Federal Appeals Court in Atlanta scolded [Congress and the President] the other day for acting in a manner they said, "demonstrably at odds with our founding fathers' blueprint." There are laws named after one person, like the Miranda laws, but they don't just apply to Mr. Miranda. They apply to everyone. Not so with the Schiavo Law. Does George Bush remember that he put his hand on the Bible to uphold the Constitution and not the other way around?

Last updated: 16 March 2006

The URL for this page is http://www.snopes.com/politic...

Good morning Boys and Girls!

(ring)

"Hello. surrogate here."

"Hello."

"Jesus! Hi!"

"How you doing, sur?"

"Good. You? Where ya' be?"

"I'm fine. I'm in Detroit. Thought maybe you'd be coming over this way in the next couple of days."

"Detroit? Wow. I was there yesterday morning and yeah, actually I'm coming back over tonight. Ry's Band is playing tonight and I'm going with Andrea."

"No way. Wow. Damn. I'm busy tonight or I'd invite myself along."

"Why are you in Motown?"

"Personal stuff, really. Do you remember that Old Church on Lafayette that closed ten or twelve years ago that's now an art gallery?"

"Sure. I know  a couple of people who've worked there over the years. Kind of a strange gallery. Lot of stuff taken from other closed churches from all over the country. Art, Sculptures, tons of stained glass windows... Not much of the stuff is from any later than 1900. That's their cut-off I think. What about it?"

"There's a small stained glass window there that was taken from a church in Italy about 1942 and used at a church here in Detroit till the place closed a few years ago. I'm friends with the Priest of the Church in Italy and I thought I'd surprise him by buying that window and returning it to him."

"Oh wow. Cool. Is there an auction or something or are you just gonna buy it?"

"I'm just gonna buy it. They're not asking all that much for it. I don't think they know where it came from exactly, other than they know it's Italian. And I think they know about when it was made. I don't think I'll clue them in on the rest till I've made the deal and paid for it."

"Why Jesus, you shrewd bargainer!"

"Well, when in Rome."

"I guess. It's not like you're trying to profit from it."

"Of course not. I don't do "profit." Not my bailiwick."

"(chuckle) Don't suppose it is. Do you need my help with this?"

"Maybe. The damn thing is roughly four by six and weighs a couple of hundred pounds. I don't know how to actually get it back to Italy. It's not exactly Carry-on."

"Oh. No worries. Either ask them to send it, or ask them to deliver it to that packaging store on Woodward near Catalpa. I forget the name, but they're really good. I've used them before. Probably any of those places could do it."

"Really?"

"Yep. Where are you staying?"

"With Ralph and Lena. They said to say hi."

"Oh great. How are they?"

"Good. I need to get to Florida next week sometime."

"No way. Really?"

"Yeah. I'm going to a wedding in Miami next Saturday night."

"Well isn't THIS something. Want a ride?"

"That's why I called."

"You sneaky guy. GREAT! The surro-bus leaves Wednesday. I'm hoping to see a couple of friends along the way. They'd love to meet you I'll bet. How cool! I'd LOVE to have you come along. You know that."

"I was hoping you would."

"Alright! I'll pick you up at their house then?"

"Sounds good. I'll call Tuesday. You'll know about when by then, right?"

"Yeah. I already know I'm leaving around noon."

"Good. Then I'll see you around three?"

"Sounds like! Wow. Thanks!"

"See you then sur."

"Bye."

(click)

Be good to everyone.

Have to get back to you all later tonight or tomorrow.

I'm at the library 90 miles from home and I don't have time to write anything much worth reading.

I'll leave you with a question though, to which you must respond under penalty of... well, something, and you damn well won't like it - that I can promise you. When you talk to a person in an authority position, and they're rude, how do you deal with it?

Just had an experience with someone being extra condescending. I was extremely annoyed but I think I handled it in a fairly creative manner, which I'll go into tomorrow perhaps. Until then, how do you handle situations like that?

Till later today or tomorrow,

BGTE

Good morning Boys and Girls!

6:16 a.m.

I'll give myself an hour to write a post.

Remember learning about jigsaw puzzles as a little kid? No? Probably not. I don't.

But, like me, surely you've watched small children working hard at learning to put them together at some point in your life. They're usually brightly colored, sometimes wood, and have a dozen pieces or so.

Ever notice the catharsis that takes place when they realize that there's simply no forcing the pieces? -that they simply must wait to find the right piece; that even if they manage to get a couple of pieces jammed together that don't really fit, it doesn't help them complete the picture?

I remember seeing that take place a number of times in my life, both when it happened with my own kids, and with other children I've been around when they were two or three years old. It's something that little people have to learn for themselves. Until that connection is made, finally, the task isn't all that much fun for kids. Once it IS made? They'll put the same puzzle together dozens, or even hundreds of times over the next few weeks, getting faster and faster at it, until, comfortable with their understanding of the process, they finally move on to bigger ones.

Later on in life, we use the same process time and time again. We force ourselves into jobs, relationships and friendships that simply may not fit together properly. Sometimes we do everything in our power to make things fit together, even if it doesn't help fill out the picture. And, like a puzzle discovered on the top shelf of closet in a rented cabin, probably in a worn plain box, we may have no idea what the picture is ahead of time anyway, or even whether all the pieces are there.

Once in while though, serendipitously, amongst hundreds, we grab a pair of pieces that fit together perfectly the very first time we try to put them together, and it gives us a smile and little moment of joy and surprise that helps us forge ahead.

To me, life is that discovered puzzle in the old box. I don't want to see the picture ahead of time, nor do I want it to be too small a puzzle with just a few pieces, where the picture is obvious soon after starting.

Let me work life slowly finding pieces that fit. Let me trust that, even if some pieces are missing, that when I'm done, perhaps there will be enough there for me to see the picture, and feel a sense of joy and accomplishment for having worked the process.  

Let me be thankful for discovering the puzzle, rather than for it's completion.

6:59 a.m. Not bad.

Be good to everyone.

Good morning Boys and Girls!

Was watching book notes on Cspan yesterday afternoon, assuming I was using it as a lullaby prior to a nap. The wonderful novelist Walter Mosley was doing an interview with Harry Belafonte, the longtime entertainer and philanthropist and, of late, muck raking anti-war activist who caused such a stir a few months ago with his speech in... Wasn't it Venezuela?

Anyway, it's not important to my "point o'the day" so I won't bother to look it up. At one point during the interview Mosley was making a point about how careful we have to be to avoid becoming an oligarchy here in the U.S. And he used an example I thought was really apt.

He said, and I'm paraphrasing here, "It's all about access. If we're in a room full of people, picked at random, with the President, a few of whom have given the given the president hundreds of thousands of dollars in political contributions, and most have given nothing, but EVERYONE there has the phone number of the president and can talk with him any time they like? Then we might be living in a democracy. If only the people who have given big money to the president have access to that number? Then we're close to living in a oligarchy...

Cool point... except. Would this president EVER be in a room full of randomly picked Americans to test the theory? And if he wouldn't be, what does THAT say about the state of our government?

Think a phone call from any of us would be accepted?

Oh, I know. Probably true for just about any President in the last hundred years, or since the phone could have used for such an offhand attempt at communication. But with these folks, I have the feeling that a call from a citizen would automatically be considered a threat from a kook, and might very well make the citizen a target of investigation or worse - unless, of course, the callers name, when cross-referenced, showed up on a list of sympathetic mega-donors...

Be good to everyone.

Good morning Boys and Girls,

(ring)

"Hello?"

"Good morning. Mr. surrogate, is it?"

"Yes, this is surrogate."

Oh good. Fine. Always glad to be talking to the right party in cases like this. Wouldn't you agree sir? Mr. surrogate, sir.?"

"I suppose. Listen my name's just surrogate, Not Mr. surrogate, or Just Surrogate, or even Mr. just surrogate. It's SURROGATE. Got it?"

"Yes sir Mr. surrogate-got-it. Fine. Just fine sir. Now sir, my name's Findgold. I'm with Yellowstone and McKinley."

"Yellowstone and McKinley. Like the National Parks?"

"One would think so, wouldn't one? -But no, I'm an attorney. I'm just an associate here."

"An attorney? What's this about? My divorce has been final for almost five years."

"Sir, yesterday morning I received a call from a Mrs. Stella Quill. She was quite upset, hysterical actually. She said you'd killed her husband and that the police wouldn't do a thing about it."

"I did WHAT???"

"Killed her husband sir. She said you flattened him like ground beef in a cookie press, sir. Her words, sir, not mine."

"I've never heard of this woman. I certainly didn't... What was her name?"

"Quill sir. Mrs. Stella Quill. She's a porcupine sir."

"Wha... Oh. (sighs.) Oh.(breathes in and out loudly a time or two.) I'm afraid she's right. I did kill him. The night before last. She called the police?"

"Of course sir. Wouldn't you?"

"Um... I guess. Why are you calling me. I mean I felt horrible about it, but he did run right in front of my car."

"Regardless, sir, Mrs. Quill feels you are morally, and therefore... financially responsible."

"I see. Financially... interesting. What did Mrs. Quill have in mind."

"Oh, sir. That's not for us, I mean, Mrs. Quill to decide. No, that will be up to the jury sir."

"Jury?"

"I'd imagine so sir. Legally, you won't be found guilty of any crime, but our position is that you are civilly responsible for the death and lost earning power of Mr. Quill, and, of course, for the loss and comfort of Mrs. Quill's life partner. A terrible thing, don't you agree sir?"

"I'll send you a hundred bucks."

"That will do nicely sir. Why don't I send someone around to collect it from you."

"Fine."

"He's just outside your door now sir." (doorbell rings)

"Wow. You're pretty efficient."

"I thank you for saying so, sir."

"You do this often?"

"You have no idea sir. Now place one hundred dollars in an envelope and give it to the squirrel at your door." (doorbell rings again, twice.)

I yell toward the door, "JUST A MINUTE!" Then, back into the phone I say. "This is nothing more than a shakedown, is it?"

"Call it what you like sir. Got to run. Lots more phone calls to make!"

(click)

I scurry around the apartment to look for an envelope and then try to remember if I have enough cash in my wallet. The doorbell rings again, repeatedly, insistent. I hear impatient squeaky chatter through the door....

Be good to everyone

Good morning Boys and Girls!

Yesterday I did a lot of driving. Early in the day  I ran over the body of a dead rabbit that had obviously just been killed. There wasn't anything I could do about it as I was on a narrow two lane road with heavy traffic. No room to swerve. Made a horrid "thunk" as I drove over it.

Then, last night on the expressway I came as close to hitting a deer as I have in years. The large doe was frozen in the road directly in front of me. Thankfully, I was was in the right lane traveling at about 65 mph and there was no one in the left lane giving me room to swerve to the left. It was really close and I was breathing fast for a minute or two afterward. I called a friend on my cell to calm my nerves and was reminded that sometimes it's safer to just take out the deer... I'm not sure it would have been in this case. This was a big deer for a female whitetail, or maybe it was a buck sans the rack. I don't know the "schedule" as far as what time of the year they loose the antlers.

So at that point I was about thirty miles from home. I decided to stop and grab a coffee from a truck-stop I know has a good dark-roast. The second I veered off the exit, a brown form the size of a medium sized dog ran in front of my car. I hit it hard and then rolled over it making an awful sound. My heart went to my throat and I pulled over.

I'd killed a large porcupine.

I had the coffee "in" at the truck stop and let my nerves settle down.

Don't remember actually hitting anything in a very long time. I hit a kitten once years ago and felt horrid for weeks. That must have been over twenty years ago.

Was sure glad to get back here last night.

A real road trip is in the offing in a week or two. Hope I don't plow down any more creatures.


Be good to everyone.

Hey... Do you like it when people are really good at what they do? Me too. Check this out.

 http://marketplace.espeakers.com/flavplayer_content.php" title="http://marketplace.espeakers.com/flavplayer_content.php" target="_blank"http://marketplace.espeakers....

And a top'o th'morning to ya, my wee Lads and Lassies!

Yer old pal surrogate here, wishing he twas a drinker so he could swill down a bunch of green beer later tonight....alas, (and slowly easing out of the fake accent and back... into... surrogate-speak) -the idea of green beer makes him (a wee bit) disgusted.

Finally saw Brokeback Mountain yesterday.

Pretty good movie, but...

Nice music, great scenery, tons of sheep and two guys for whom I just couldn't work up much sympathy.

The story starts in 1963 and runs for twenty-years or so, meaning the end takes place in the early to mid eighties.

Maybe things were that bad for gay people out west in the boonies (as depicted by a flashback scene in which one of the character's fathers takes his brother and him, each of them  a year or so on one side or the other of ten years old at the time, to see the body of a mutilated gay man left dead and member-less by some less than tolerant psychopath, perhaps the boys' father, himself.)

Still, I had a very hard time feeling sympathetic toward the characters. I felt very sorry for their wives and kids. The most powerful scene in the movie to me was when Ennis's wife glances out the window and sees a more than friendly greeting between the two men. How she managed to stay in the marriage for a few more years after seeing that, I don't know. Seemed a bit unrealistic to me.

Not sure if my problem with the movie was that, that I just didn't much like the two main characters or maybe I was trying to see the "Hollywood Agenda" shining through in the script and the directing.

Sure didn't romanticize the idea of being gay in my mind, as has been suggested.

What I saw were two unremarkable men living irresponsibly with the feelings they discovered within themselves and for each other.

I suppose the movie DOES promote the idea that people ought not have to live with the negative stigma associated with being gay, and that that stigma has screwed up lots of lives. Maybe it even points out how important it is to allow gay folks to be open about their sexuality and marry if they see fit. However, if that was the AGENDA behind producing the movie? -they sure missed the mark. I'd think they'd have written the characters as more likable people.

And maybe, since those first two points in the last paragraph are "givens" in my head, I found the plot little more than sad. Any sympathies I worked up in my head and heart were for the wives and kids left in the ruins.

Pretty scenery though...

Be good to everyone.

Good morning Boys and Girls!

52 degrees at 7:27 a.m.

Abu Garib is closing. What is that about?

Maybe rcurry can fill us in over the next few days. Hope he's okay over there.

It's sounding more and more like there are plans for either shutting things down to some degree in Iraq or shifting the focus to it's neighbor.

Pretty weird.

I suppose the logic of considering attacking Iran is predicated on the assumption that if they get nukes, as it appears they're well on their way to doing, that they'd be likely to use them, since even though they'd certainly be aware that it would mean the destruction of their country as well, and quickly too, that since they've got that "martyr = great rewards" mentality thing, it would be worth it to them.

I'm assuming that that's the logic the U.S. is using to justify any impending conflict. Has to be SOMETHING like that since the list of world-wide nuke powers is quite lengthy, and we've stopped even trying to dismantle some 400 old ones in the Old Soviet territories left over from the Cold War.

The Cold War. Ahhhh. Remember it? When for three and a half decades we had an enemy that made Iraq and Iran look like the relatively minor powers they are?

And remember that during all that time, despite threats, and build-ups, and the odd killing of each others spies (in order to give folks like John laCarre, Tom Clancy and Ian Flemming decades worth of fodder for their work) neither side ever did the one thing that would have wrecked the world for good. Neither side openly fired the first shot in anger.

Sometimes I wonder. If GWB had been president when the Soviets were the big enemy, would any of us still be here today?

Anyone remember Steven King's book (or the movie) "The Dead Zone"? Remember Martin Sheen's role?

Sometimes I think of that character when I see George Bush doing his best to justify things that strike me as unjustifiable.

 Be good to everyone.

Good morning Boys and Girls.

Allygirl tagged me. I'd promised to do this yesterday, but woke up with the dumb idea for yesterday's post and I forgot.

Six things about me you might not know... (or care to know.)

1. In the middle of the night if I wake up with a runny nose and I use a tissue? It goes on the floor till morning.

2. I throw away cutting boards every few months, no matter how much I've used them.

3. I had a full beard for a long long time, but shaved it off a few years ago and I'm this close (holds thumb and fore-finger a quarter-inch apart) to growing a new one - which would probably be at least partially gray by now..

4. I love babies and make most smile when I look at them and wave. (I've yet to discover whether this is because they think I'm friendly or funny looking.)

5. Dogs tend to like me instantly. Cats? Not so much - but with a few exceptions.

6. I deal with loss and disappointment exceptionally poorly, and would kill to turn off my mind for a couple of years or have at least some of my long term memories exorcised.


Exciting stuff huh? That's why I rarely do these.

Now, I'm supposed to tag six people... Let's do it like this. If you've commented here more than once in the last couple of weeks?

Tag.


Be good to everyone.


Wow. I just ran spell check and for the first time in about six months didn't have any tyyypos. (Damn.)

Good morning Boys and Girls!

(ring)

"Yeah?... Your dime."

"Is this Mr. surrogate?"

"Uh, yeah... Just surrogate. Who's this?"

"I work for Google. Well, I'm a consultant actually. You just signed up to host some ads on your blog?"

"(cringing) Yeah. I did. I feel like a whore."

"Oh Mr. surrogate, no reason to feel like that! Why some of the finest blogs in blogland sell advertising... You have READERS Mr. surrogate. And that's what we want!"

"Please. I have the same half-dozen friends who comment every day. I have no idea if the rest of the "hits" are even real!"

"Oh they're real alright Mr. Surrogate..."

"Please, just "surrogate.""

"Very well sir. Mr. Just-surrogate, are you aware of the amazing things going on in cyberspace of late?"

"Well, some of it. Why? What are you talking about? And come to think of it, why did you call me? You people have time to call every schmo who signs up for ad-sense?"

"Oh no sir. You're quite right there. We call very few people. We feel your blog is.... special."

"Special? Okay. Right... Let's hear it. What the hell is this about?"

"Well sir, to be perfectly frank, this is a pilot program, and I'm sort of feeling my way through this. We're looking for, um, hack writers."

"Oh. Well, gee, thanks."

"But sir, not just ANY hack writers. No sir! We're looking for the sort who seem to stir things up within their own little blog communities by saying outlandish things."

"Outlandish?"

"Well, outlandish as far as... our "partners" are concerned."

"Your partners? Come on... Get to it. Why did you call."

"Yes Sir, Mr. Just-surrogate. Just so. It's really quite simple... We'd like you to write posts based on the ads we're running on your blog."

"Huh?"

"If we run a women's swimsuit ad on your blog, we'd like you to cross-promote it in your copy... say something about how much you like women's swim-suits... If we advertise chocolates? You talk about how am Almond Joy would just hit the spot this very instant. That sort of thing - you know sir, like they do on television and in the movies?"

"I thought it worked the other way. I thought the search engines read through the words in my posts and found ads that "fit."

"Oh sir! We do! We just want it all to go both ways and backwards and forwards - and through and through to boot!"

"Synergy huh?"

"Synergy. Exactly so sir. Just the right word! Synergy."

"Cool. Sure. I supposed I could do it if the remuneration was sufficient... (I'm winking at the phone, trying to sound sly.)"

"Remuneration sir?"

"The pay. The jack. The cheese. The... MONEY."

"Oh sir. There's no money involved... for you anyway."

"Well... What do I get out of it?"

"Oh. Didn't I make that clear? I really thought I had."

"No."

"Oh I'm sorry."

"What's in it for me, then?"

"We let you live sir."

"Oh. (gulp) Wow."

"Happy writing then!"

"Thanks. I guess..."

(click) 

Be good to everyone.

(Dear Google people... this was meant to be funny. Satire, get it? Ha ha ha? Just a joke. Please don't have me killed. How about those great pilates home systems? What a deal!)

Good morning Boys and Girls.

Well.

Governor Mike Rounds of South Dakota has thrown down the hanky to the shiny new Supreme Court by signing a new law into effect banning virtually all abortions within his State.

(Thanks to rising-hegemon.blogspot.com for the quote from the Governor which I'm copying here.)

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Statement of Gov. Mike Rounds on the Signing Of House Bill 1215

“I have signed House Bill 1215 into law. It is An Act to establish certain legislative findings, to reinstate the prohibition against certain acts causing the termination of an unborn human life, to prescribe a penalty therefore, and to provide for the implementation of such provisions under certain circumstances.

HB 1215 passed South Dakota’s legislature with bi-partisan sponsorship and strong bi-partisan support in both houses. Its purpose is to eliminate most abortions in South Dakota. It does allow doctors to perform abortions in order to save the life of the mother. It does not prohibit the taking of contraceptive drugs before a pregnancy is determined, such as in the case of rape or incest.

In the history of the world, the true test of a civilization is how well people treat the most vulnerable and most helpless in their society. The sponsors and supporters of this bill believe that abortion is wrong because unborn children are the most vulnerable and most helpless persons in our society. I agree with them.

Because this new law is a direct challenge to the Roe versus Wade interpretation of the Constitution, I expect this law will be taken to court and prevented from going into effect this July. That challenge will likely take years to be settled and it may ultimately be decided by the United States Supreme Court. Our existing laws regulating abortions will remain in effect.

The reversal of a Supreme Court opinion is possible. For example, in 1896, the United States Supreme Court ruled in the Plessy versus Ferguson case that a state could require racial segregation in public facilities if the facilities offered to different races were equal. However, fifty-eight years later, the Supreme Court reconsidered that opinion and reversed itself in Brown versus Board of Education. It proclaimed that separate could not produce equal. The 1954 Court realized that the earlier interpretation of our Constitution was wrong.

HB 1215 will give the United States Supreme Court a similar opportunity to reconsider an earlier opinion.

While this is a state and national issue, I want to emphasize that whatever the courts decide, South Dakotans will continue to care about both the unborn child and mother. If we are pro-life, we must recognize the need to take care of women who are faced with a difficult pregnancy. Regardless of the circumstances surrounding the pregnancy, we cannot protect the innocent child, unless we protect and care for the mother. We must help each mother to see the value of the gift that is a child, and nurture the mother for her own sake and for the sake of her child.

Our state is committed to helping greater numbers of pregnant woman who will allow their babies to grow inside them and be born. In both the private and public sector in South Dakota, we have healthcare options, economic assistance before and after birth, adoption services, and, most importantly, people who want to help pregnant women, young mothers and their children.

There are also many people in South Dakota who will continue to help those women who have had abortions in the past. We want those women to know that we care about them, too.”

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I'm sure this will thrill many people who see the statement as full of rightness and light. I see it as sincere people trouncing on the rights of women, men, children and the free society they value so much.

Banning abortion is exactly as evil as forcing women to have abortions.

I love the Plessy vs. Ferguson/Brown vs. B.of E. comparison on reversal. It's almost laughable, but it's standard fare.

This is what the governor is really saying. (My words, not his.)

"We've been unsuccessful in convincing every single person to see the world the way we do, therefore we'll force them to live by our values whether they like it or not. And if they disagree with us and act on upon their beliefs - which may be just as sincere as ours? We'll throw their asses in jail - out of loving concern."


Be good to everyone... or, because of the topic (for graceshaker) Be good to every breathing person.

To hear a podcast of this post go to telcaster (dot) com and click on "surrogate."

Happy Sunday morning Boys and Girls!

It's been years since I worked on a Sunday, but today I will for a couple of hours, simply to take advantage of what appears to be some decent weather.

I was thinking about it last night, trying to decide whether I really felt like it, and I remembered my Grandfather being very disappointed in me when I was in High School and I took a job at a shoe store, now long defunct, that required me to work on Sundays once in a while.

I remember asking him why it was okay for HIM to work on Sundays every single week but that, for some reason, it was wrong for me to do it.

He was a preacher.

I don't think he liked the tone of my response... What a smart-ass I was. Thank goodness I've mellowed in old age, huh?

Working at that store exposed me to the first man I ever "knew" was gay, though he didn't ever talk about it. Tom was the assistant manager of the place at the time and was probably about 30 or so. Years later, when the chain went bust (started with a "K") he went to work at another store where's he's been ever since. I still buy good work shoes from him every couple of years though he's got to be nearing retirement now.

Unless he's moved recently, he's lived in the same apartment since I worked with him for a year or so some 35 years ago and he's never driven. I'd see him walking to work every now and again, or on his way to Church on Sundays at the huge Catholic church about a mile and a half from his home, and just down the street from my Mom's. (We used to feel like the only protestants in the neighborhood.)

I've never asked him why he doesn't drive though I've sure been curious. As the years progressed he became a little more open about being gay, at least in a general sense, perhaps because the community in which he lives, as I said, my hometown, has become a minor midwest mecca for gay folks where it seems they can live their lives without feeling threatened.

It's sort of funny. At first, as the "migration" occurred, throughout the late eighties and early nineties, a lot of us were very worried about it, but as gay couples started buying up old houses and fixing them up like crazy all around town and the rest of us benefitted from the steady rise in property values that stems from such gentrification, acceptance seemed to become the self-serving watchword of the day. Oh sure, there are still some narrow minded Bible thumpers who seemed convinced that the town will eventually become a latter day Gamorrah, but even they have given up on the hate rhetoric as most of the rest of the town came to realize that people are just people, no matter who they sleep with - and, to be fair, that even their money is green.

Why, I don't even remember hearing of an egging of the windows of the gay bookstore downtown in years.

I'll bet Tom is at 9:00 Mass right now!

In fact, I need to go see him next time I'm over that way. I need some new work shoes.


Be good to everyone.

Good afternoon Boys and Girls.

Ton Monaghan, one of the dozen or so Michigan billionaires, who made his money selling Dominos Pizzas, is starting up a community in Florida to be named "Ave Maria" meant to foster and promote his particular brand of the Roman Catholic faith.

The city, being built along the everglades in Florida, will eventually be the home of 30,000 like minded souls including around 5000 students he hopes will attend the new Ave Maria Catholic University there, the first new such college built in the U.S. in over forty years.

The bullet points? No abortions will be allowed to be performed in the town and the sale of contraceptive devices will be outlawed within the city's limits.

Why Florida? Michigan said, "Thanks but no thanks."

I wonder if this will stand up in court. Geez, I hope not. There's a real separation of Church and State issue here already, and evidently, according to a quote from Monaghan, he relishes the idea of a fight since it will create lots of publicity.

Funny, I don't remember Dominos being the least bit discriminating about who they took their pizza orders from during the thirty odd years Monaghan ran his company, but maybe I'm wrong about that. I'll have to call a few womens health clinics to see if they were refused lunch time pizza deliveries because of the services they provided. At least that would be consistent... otherwise it comes off like a guy with way too much money and time on his hands playing God.

We'll call it green piety... with extra cheese.

Goggle Tom Monaghan, Catholic City for a bunch of articles.

Be good to everyone within thirty minutes, or it's free.

Good morning Boys and Girls!

Had a dream last night...

------------------------- ----------------

"It's Twelve'o'eight p.m. in the city and the 'burbs, the sun is shining and traffic is sailing smooth... Next up, from the bad old days, it's a little ditty from those four lads who changed the world by showing up on the Ed Sullivan show; here they are doing one of their hits." (music comes up) "1967's "A Day In The Life, ...it's The BEAtles!" (fades voice mike down, lights cigar, then he slumps back in his chair.)

The engineer stands up from behind the glass and walks into the studio. "Rush?"

He looks up with tired eyes and manages, "What?"

"Rush, we're a talk show. You've been playing old music for three days."

"So?"

"Rush, I thought it was funny on Monday. And I thought, 'Clever! He's really gonna make people take notice!' But then you did it yesterday too for three hours! And now, today, again? What the hell are you thinking?"

"I need a break. Go away."

"Rush. Look at that microphone."

"I see it."

"What color is it?"

"Gold."

"Who are you?"

"I know who I am, damn it."

"What's going on? You won't take any calls, you look like shit. And, as I told you yesterday that affiliates aren't "getting" this. They're pissed! New York has been calling all morning to make sure you were NOT going to do this again today! Couldn't you at least play some Mannheim Steamroller?"

"They suck. I'm sick of them."

(in the background just then we here "now they know how many holes it takes to fill the Al-bert Hallllll!")

"Well... (he's shaking his head, thinking about his next mortgage payment and worried this incredible gig may be doing the toilet-bowl swirl...) Why are you doing this?"

"I just can't... Hang on. (He turns back to the microphone, clears his throat and as he starts up the next song and speaks over the intro in that instantly recognizable baritone.) Next up, how about a little Stevie Won-derrrrrrrrrr...  (he clicks off the golden E.I.B. microphone and looks back up at Snerdly.) I just can't lie anymore. I can't do it."

Snerdly is terrified. "Maybe you need to go play golf a while. We can run some best-of shows for a couple of days or get Tony Snow or one of those other guys to sub. You know how much they love it."

"No. They'd lie too. (he looks back at the counsel) This is better."

"No, Rush, It's not. People have expectations of you. What about all those listeners; those ditto-heads?"

"I made-'em, maybe I can unmake-'em."

"Oh Jesus. I'm going to go to a "best-of" right after this song.

"You do and you're fired."

"Maybe, (And he stops for a minute and finally decides. He plays his trump card) but remember, I KNOW about all those Doctors and the phony prescriptions."

Rush slumps back again....

------------------------- ----------------

and then I woke up, and realized it was just a really great dream.


Be good to everyone.

Good afternoon Boys and Girls!

Couldn't get to this this morning.

March 1, 2006.

Zowie. Seems like the holidays were a couple of weeks ago as opposed to two months ago.

I can't say life has been boring the last couple of months. Some bad things and some good things have happened which has made waking up each morning a bit of an adventure. I suppose we can't ask for more than that!

I'm looking forward to a couple of things and I THINK I've decided to, in some way shape or form, take a plunge back into the business world, this time in the manufacturing end of a business I've known from it's other side for many years.

The question is whether to try to accommodate another fellow who is getting out of it by taking over his poorly managed concern or to just go slowly and start up myself. It would be cheaper to start up on my own in the long run, but it would be faster to just get into it turnkey style... One nice thing is that his price seems to be coming down by the day... If it gets to the magic number I've had in my head since the outset, I'll go ahead and take the plunge... Anyone want to take a trip to California with me and ride back in a big old U Haul with a few tons of equipment? What? Ya chickens!

Maybe I can buy some flowers from LadyG while I'm out there... If I go out there...

At the current price-dropping rate, if he DOES finally get to the number I'm hoping for him to get to, it'll happen Friday - I'd guess about 3:30 PST. (This is a test of the surrogate clairvoyance system. This is only a test. In the event of actual clairvoyance, you'll be directed to...)

Life is funny. Life is sad. Life is challenging.

Life is not for the weak.

As the great warrior said, after munching on some grass...

Sometimes, I be weak.

Sometimes I am bull!

 ("And sometimes, surrogate, YOU'RE full of bull!")

Ouch.


Be good to everyone!