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| Preaching in the bathroom. |
| 05.22.08 (9:18 am) [edit] |
Good morning Boys and Girls.Got a phone call from Jesus last night. Actually, he called back after I'd left him a voicemail a couple of days ago. Hadn't spoken with him in a couple of weeks and was a little concerned. Plus, as it happened, I had a funny experience yesterday I'd wanted to talk with him about, so his call last night about eleven was welcome indeed. "Hello?" "Hey surr, How you doin'?" "Jesus. Wow, good to hear your voice. I'm fine. How are YOU?" "I'm okay. Good really. I'm tired as can be though." "Yeah? Where are you? The cell delay seems longer than normal" "China. Trying to help with the search and rescue, but really, I don't think we're going to find anyone else alive. Ya never know though, so we keep at it." "I thought you might have gone over there. Did you go to Myanmar too?" "I did, but they wouldn't let the team I was with in, so there really wasn't much point in my going in by myself. Here at least, they want the help, though honestly, it's been disheartening. I'm with a half dozen other people and we really don't feel like we've accomplished much. Mother Nature can be one tough old lady." "Hey now, didn't God cause those?" "The earthquakes? Come on surr, you know he doesn't work that way. He never did. For goodness sakes, I'm too tired to explain this to you again, you goof. So what's going on with you? You still in Iowa?" "Yeah, Going home tomorrow. My grass is probably a foot high." "You'd better then." "Yeah." "You okay?" "I'm okay. Tired too, but for no good reasons really. Hey, yesterday I stopped to get an iced tea a McDonalds, and I found this perfectly written note written on a napkin telling people "how to get saved." It was sitting on top of the toilet paper dispenser. It was interesting. Perfect printing, maybe a page and a half - the guy had to fold it over to finish on the other side. He even wrote, "over," like it was a note you'd pass out in class." "Come on. He left it on the toilet paper dispenser? Weird. Did you take it?" "Jesus. Who do you think I am? Of course I took it. Want me to read it to you?" "Sure." "Hang on. It's in my pocket upstairs. (I ran up to get it.) " Okay... here... I'm going to read it verbatim, puntuation and all. Ready?" "Yeah, go for it." "HOW TO GET SAVED! ACTS 2:38 THEN PETER SAID UNTO THEM RE--PENT (THEN TURN FROM ALL SIN) AND BE BAPTIZED EVERY ONE OF YOU (NOT-SOME OF YOU) IN THE NAME OF-JESUS CHRIST (NOT THE FATHER SON AND HOLY GHOST) FOR THE REMISSION (FOR--GIVENESS) AND YE SHALL--RECEIVE THE GIFT OF THE HOLY GHOST. ACTS 2:39 FOR THE PROMISE IS UNTO YOU AND TO YOUR CHILDREN, AND TO ALL; (SO ACTS 2:38 IS TO ALL; TO EVERYBODY). ACTS 2:41 0VER- -THEN THEY THAT GLADLY (NOT MADLY) RECEIVED HIS WORD WERE BAPTIZED AND THE SAME DAY THERE WERE ADDED UNTO THEM ABOUT THREE THOUSAND SOULS. IN ACTS 2:47 AND THE LORD ADDEED TO THE CHURCH DAILY SUCH AS SHOULD BE SAVED. CHRIST APOSTOLIC TEMPLE 1230 EAST SEVENTEENTH ST. DES MOINES IOWA... There. What do you think?" "surr, Come on. what do I think? You find this hand copied note on a napkin in a restroom quoting Acts and you want my impression? Of what? Those are indeed quotes from Acts. Close anyway. I didn't have anything to do with any of that, so why should I offer an opinion on something like this?" "For fun." "Okay. I think you're an idiot. Did it ever occurr to you that napkin might be full of the germs of some dude who has nothing better to do than sit drumming up business for his "temple?" "Oh. Yeah. Point taken. Sweet Lady said the same thing about the germs. Touche' to you both. But what about his message? "His message? You need me to say it? Fine. His misunderstands the whole concept of ... You know what? Cut it out. Another time, you monumental goof. I've gotta go. Listen, drive carefully on your way home. I'll call when I'm back in the States. Probably another week or too." "Okay Jesus. Be safe." "Thanks. Bye." (click.) Be good to everyone. |
posted by: barnabus1 (reply)
post date: 05.22.08 (12:30 pm)
Soooo Doofus....I guess yopu got "saved"!!
for the moment at least!
posted by: bawdy (reply)
post date: 05.22.08 (12:41 pm)
Wow, you're like Moses receiving the ten commandments from God on Mount Sinai, only you're not Moses, he wasn't God, and it was McDonalds.
posted by: surrogate (reply)
post date: 05.22.08 (5:13 pm)
Reply to: bawdy
Yeah, like that.
posted by: surrogate (reply)
post date: 05.22.08 (5:14 pm)
Reply to: barnabus1
Nope. Just got germs.
posted by: barnabus1 (reply)
post date: 05.22.08 (6:53 pm)
Hehe!!!
posted by: PastorDave (reply)
post date: 05.23.08 (5:21 am)
Before you become too insulting of this guys effort to share the good news with a sinner like yourself, let me tell you that the guy is involved in a highly effective ministry. It is called Crap Conversions. I serve as the local Flusher Volunteer. We work to flush sin out of the sinner. Surrogate, my friend, no matter how much crap is in your life- you can be wiped clean. I see this guy did not follow the Crap Witness Instruction Manual Very Well. He wrote out his testimony on toilet paper, which is proper. But, he is supposed to seize all the rolls, and then hang around until you get into the stall and have need. As soon as you say something like, "Heck, where's the toilet paper?", or "Buddy, could you pass a roll over here?", He is supposed to hand you the Gospel Sheets. These are hand-written witnessing sheets, prepare beforehand of course, simply sharing scripture verses about all kinds of spiritual needs in your life. You would be sort of a captive audience. He would hand you two or three at a time, you would read and then wipe, and then he would hand you some more. Surrogate, it works! So, please don't diss a wonderful evangelism tool.
posted by: OldSchool (reply)
post date: 05.23.08 (6:09 am)
Reply to: PastorDave
No wonder the Church is having a hard time recruiting young people to become involved with the Church or attending a seminary. Rookies are assigned public restroom duty!
posted by: kurtmaddox (reply)
post date: 05.25.08 (10:49 pm)
Funny, I found a similar religious note claiming to give instructions from God in a public restroom recently except if was from a follower of Osama bin Laden. The napkin had the instructions for how to build a crude explosive device and then become a martyr via a suicide bomb. It all sounded a bit harder than the instructions taken from the book of Acts, but, then again, you don't get any virgins with that deal -- you just get to speak in tongues. Not really much of an incentive when you think about it?
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